I believe I have always been an artistic person, I kept on being told that until I gave it up one day. I gave it up to a career, to marriage and family, to a traumatic blow in my major artistic endeavour in my younger days, to which I never deemed worthy to look back. Art itself though, had always seemed a personal enchantment, so it somehow was crowded out by people who populated my later life, mostly people who had no interest in being ‘artistic’. However the artsy side of me still popped up in various little ways, now in retrospect, as I cannot remember there was anytime in my life where I had not yearned for a difference, even a little, in my everyday life.
Now ready to take on it again 27 years down the lane, I have finally taken the bull by the horn and am rereading Artist’s Way in conjunction with the Vein of Gold and Walking in This World. What I miss through the years, I guess, is people who take art seriously, or rather, lively and adventurously, which would subsequently draw out that side of me. Nobody could afford to be, we all had children to look after, they need a stable and steady lifestyle.
So now that I have learnt through Julia Cameron’s books to readily accept myself, and to be compassionate in doing so; that though everybody else has something to say, I still have MY story to tell, that the memories are mine and mine alone, that I could actually re-open the case of ‘me’; that as I ‘right’ it I found that an entirely different color and hue is cast on, and that it is actually lively and living in me when I take it in my own hands. I am finally struggling free of convictions and dejectedness, who knows, it might just take me to the abandonment of expressive art, but I am simply enjoying it now, reveling in the colours that are bubbling from within, deeper and richer tones that reach far into my past.
I made way for everybody, coming up with reasonings and defenses for them over the years to make life easier for them and for me, now it is time I devoted myself to my passion, and I am loving this recovery, the uncovering of myself from the slimy mud that rendered me unrecognizable even to myself.
The Narrative Timeline did wonders for me, though I barely started on it. “There is an infallibility to the law that as we each seek to express what we are longing to say, there is always someone or something that is longing to hear precisely what we have expressed.” In WordPress, I have decided to give this a try.